She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
