if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
