New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
