so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's blow job season.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
