I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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