just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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