That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
