i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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