need another drink. this is the easiest way
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
