i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
