He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
