MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
