Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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