Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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