Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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