I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
