could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
