She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just cropdusted the office
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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