she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
