this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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