do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
