I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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