Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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