Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
