You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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