As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
