All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
