just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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