I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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