Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You made out with two different species that night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
