I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
