the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
