So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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