Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
