dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
barbara walters just said penis...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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