i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
