Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
