I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I had your ass I would rule the world
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
