Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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