Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
