Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
