when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
