Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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