You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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