the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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