Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
