considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
