So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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