Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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