Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
