i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize