I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
