Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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