uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
