Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
