There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
