you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
