took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he's gonorrhea incarnate
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize