The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
