Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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