we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Who died my cat blue again?
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