Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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