No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
