Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
