He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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