You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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