We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
