he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
