i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
